No alpha male?

Some articles are like a hug. A hug and a pat on the head and the reassurance that it’s not me who was born all wrong, it’s society that has lost its marbles completely. I should read this sort of articles more often. Out of a strange kind of masochist tendency – not the good kind – I tend to read more articles which provide a point of view totally opposite to mine, the point of view that gender roles are natural and that I am a … uh … exception? Funny deviance? Interesting anomaly? Unplanned disturbance? Little Chernobylian? I don’t know, you pick. Point is, reading those articles rarely helps me improve my understanding of society, nor it stimulates my interest in it, quite the opposite. It just makes me feel an outsider at best. I am drawn to them by some sort of demonic drive, the idea that since I can’t escape society and its nonsensical rules – I can only behave in an unacceptable way, but I can’t magically be transferred into another world, no matter how hard I wish for it – I might as well smash my face against it, so that it’s clear, 100% clear, no way to be mistaken, that yes, I am probably never going to feel like I belong somewhere.

By the way, take this, “rationalists”. That bunch of assholes would want to believe people like me, the SJWs, the gender-benders, the millennials, the stupid people in other words, live wrapped into their cocoon, an echo chamber where everything is made of colourful feathers and sugar candy and what not. Fuck me, I wish I could live in an echo chamber. Then I would believe the world is perfect and all is nice. I cannot fucking live in an echo chamber because, as I said, there is no way I can escape society, I cannot escape the planet.

Well, maybe I should move to Pripjat. That’s an idea. But there are humans there too. Fuck’s sake, they’re everywhere, aren’t they?

But! Sometimes I read articles like that one and a sense of relief comes over me. It’s all right. Or better no, it’s not, it absolutely isn’t, society still has lost its marbles, but that’s a situation that can be changed, right? It is actually changing already, from what I can see. So that’s good. There’s work to be done, but it can be done, and if its because of social conditioning then there’s a good chance people like me might be accepted and seen as normal. We could be the norm and not the exception. And then, when I read such articles, I start thinking about all the occasions when I was accepted and respected at once, without questioning, and although they’re not as many as those when I wasn’t, still they’re quite a few. And I go like, hey. Then maybe it is possible. Even better, then maybe it is true. That I am normal. That there’s nothing wrong in me, that I am just like everybody else.

So the conclusion is that I should read more such articles. I should schedule it: once a week, read an article that says that gender is a lie.

I’d also like to add a note though: even if I don’t know much about the matter, I think people should stop looking at animals for answers to human behaviour. Sure, there are certain traits that we share with this or that species, and we have a lot of evolution in common, but in the end, we are humans ( … no hang on, YOU are XD) and those are animals. That’s a pretty big difference. And this happens only with humans right? I can’t recall seeing an article trying to explain bonobos’ society while looking at, I don’t know, horses. Or lizards. No, when it’s about animals, we just simply seem to accept that different species behave in different ways, even radically different. Even species which have plenty in common, like bonobos and gorillas or chimpanzees for example.

With humans, no. We have to see our behaviours mirrored in animals, and viceversa. Is it because we cannot tolerate, as a species, to be alone? Oh, but we are alone. We stand on the brink of void. And the void is going to swallow us. AZATHOTH THE BLIND IDIOT GOD IS FINALLY GOING TO DEVOUR OUR WORLD, GULPING OUR STAR, MUNCHING OUR PLANET SQUEEZING LAVA OUT OF IT AS IF BLOOD, AND IN ONE FINAL TREMENDOUS CONTRACTION OF THE WARPED HOLE THAT IT HIS MOUTH WE WILL …

(by Dominique Signoret)

Just kidding. I liked the article a lot anyway, and I feel it’s saying something a bit different than what I am referring to here, that is the habit to give humanity rules based on animal behaviour. But still, what I wanted to underline is that I think that, alpha male in wolves or not, this doesn’t necessarily mean much to humans. That to find out what goes on with humans, maybe we should look at … humans. And listen to them, to what they say about themselves. You could, I don’t know, listen to … me, for example? Sometimes?

Oh, wait, one last thing! When I was a kid, around 11 I guess it was, I read this Italian book, ll branco della rosa canina (The pack of the dog rose) by Gianni Padoan. It is a beautiful book meant as a sort of narrated documentary about wolves’ life in their natural environment. There’s a bit of story behind it, but mostly it serves as an expedient to explain the habits of wolves. Our teacher had brought it to our class, with a bunch of other books we could read, and I was so fascinated by it that at the end of the year she decided to give it to me. I still cherish it. It’s right here, I took it down from the shelf while I was writing the post, as I took it with me from Italy. It is written in a simple way as it’s meant for children, but it is still very good and I read it again last year, and, lo and behold, although it probably simplifies a lot and some information might be wrong, there is indeed written that the young wolves form a new pack by leaving their previous one and mating. I love when what you’ve read in books come back to you like this. It’s like echoes from old friends.

Advertisements

I want to take a moment to thank the Atlantic for telling me I’m not a monster.

I mean, not that I usually take it the wrong way. Being a mutant has its charm, and if you love horror it fits perfectly.

Still, sometimes just getting a pat on the shoulder and hearing that you know what, you’re completely, utterly, boringly normal feels really good also for an egocentric fucker like me.

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/06/male-female-brains-biologically-different/563702/

 

Save Your Apologies: Here’s What Women Need From Men Right Now

“Every woman you know has been sexually harassed in some way. Every single one. Yes, your mom. Yes, your wife. Yes, your great-aunt Edna. ESPECIALLY your great-aunt Edna.”

“Want to know why feminists and non-binary folks are “always angry?” It’s because we’re sick and tired of having to be the ones to point out when men are being assholes all the time. This shouldn’t fall to one gender. Mocking and shaming sexist jerks should be a pan-gender pastime, like binging Netflix.”

“Women will never understand the compartmentalization so many guys do when it comes to misogyny. A man can not simultaneously claim to respect women and, at the same time, carry on casual relationships with men who treat women like trash.”

“The message misogynists have gotten from other men is one where they can be publicly hostile to women and still succeed in the professional world.”

Actually, don’t save your apologies. Apologies are good. They’re not all, but they help, and recognizing that you did wrong and saying that you’re sorry is definitely a good thing. And I don’t like too much the line drawn between men and women in the article: women can indeed be sexist and misogynist. Oh boy, they really can. Some of them do look away if it’s convenient. Many, actually. Melania Trump, anyone?

But the bottom line is: fucking do fucking something. In your private life. In your public life. Do something big. Or something little. With the people nearest to you, or people you don’t know, just fucking goddamn do it. Problems don’t solve themselves. I wish they did. And It’s not easy, and maybe you’ll make mistakes. No wait, you’ll surely do.
But if you’re not a sexist, then don’t act like one.

Save Your Apologies: Here’s What Women Need From Men Right Now

Well, in principle yes. But only of it is voluntary. I feel that often this empowerment thing leaves behind the fact that women are either pushed/forced to cover themselves or to look sexy, by culture, society, people around them. If a woman feels that she has to dress “modestly” to not get raped or to not be “impure” it’s not empowering at all. If a woman feels like she has to dress succinctly to be sexy in order to get a job or pass an exam it’s not empowering at all; she should be evaluated only for her skills, as a person, not because of how sexy she is. Same with prostitution. You choose it? Good. You don’t? Abuse.
I think it’s empowering as long as it’s her choice. Only her choice. Obviously there’s no way to tell whether it was her choice or not, unless she tells you.

All of this is rather obvious actually but I feel it’s important to make this distinction.

P.S. Yes I did change my mind regarding the burkini, but as I said, as long as it’s a choice and not coming from shame.

Source: can’t find it.

Researchers find oddities in high-profile gender studies

I have my difficulties trusting social science. I want to underline that this doesn’t come from an expert, as I am definitely not one – even though I did take my studies in a (non social) scientific field and I’m still interested in science – but yeah, I have a hell of a hard time taking social studies really seriously. Not that I don’t take them seriously either. Let’s say half seriously. It’s just that I don’t think human can be studied as you study electrons. Humans change. People evolve. Society is flexible. When I read articles where it’s proclaimed that now we know how humans work regarding this and that, I can’t help being highly skeptical. When I read articles like this, my trust goes definitely out of the window.

Who gives a fuck about what studies say about gender roles and characteristics. Is what some fake or real study says able to change you? No, right? You are what you are, regardless of what studies say about it. It may be found that the way you are is more or less common. Yeah, so what? I propose we don’t give a fuck about it. I propose we just fuck, which is much better. Who cares. Be what you are. Respect others. Make a mess. Wear a dress. Wear a tie. Wear nothing. But most of all make a mess.

Researchers find oddities in high-profile gender studies

The myth of the male bumbler

“There’s a reason for this plague of know-nothings: The bumbler’s perpetual amazement exonerates him. Incompetence is less damaging than malice. And men — particularly powerful men — use that loophole like corporations use off-shore accounts. The bumbler takes one of our culture’s most muscular myths — that men are clueless — and weaponizes it into an alibi.

Allow me to make a controversial proposition: Men are every bit as sneaky and calculating and venomous as women are widely suspected to be. And the bumbler — the very figure that shelters them from this ugly truth — is the best and hardest proof.

Breaking that alibi means dissecting that myth. The line on men has been that they’re the only gender qualified to hold important jobs and too incompetent to be responsible for their conduct. Men are great but transparent, the story goes: What you see is what you get. They lack guile.”

“Look, this is a moment when our cultural myths about men and women are colliding. It’s scary and confusing and way too widespread for comfort. But rather than knee-jerking toward normalizing, it’s worth taking a minute to parse just how complicated it is to make sense of the different realities in which men and women have been living.”

First of all, this myth is damaging to women. But secondly, as I always say, if you really have to pick gender stereotypes, do they also have to suck? Seriously? The men who happily comply with such “common knowledge” must be rather petty beings (not that there was any doubt about it). Maybe if you self define yourself as a clueless gross imbecile, you should also be treated like one.

The myth of the male bumbler

ATTN: on Twitter

Positive comment: this is truly great, and proof that teaching consent and positive masculinity, instead of the toxic one, brings great results. Probably all the world should have similar classes. The boys get to have emotions, like all human beings, and girls get to be treated with respect. It’s also awesome that girls are taught to defend themselves. The helpless princess trope sucks. Destroy those sexists.

Honest comment: I’m not sure if this is a good thing – kids being taught positive things change their negative attitudes – or just another proof that people would believe anything if you say it with enough conviction. Rape is good, rape is bad, women are people, women are objects; sometimes I think people wouldn’t hesitate to set themselves on fire if they were told it’s trendy. All right, I’m being an asshole; it is indeed a good and useful thing, but you have to admit it’s tad depressing that those kids thought rape was ok before they were taught differently. I know, I know, they’re just kids, but still. Nice parents they must have.

ATTN: on Twitter