Some articles are like a hug. A hug and a pat on the head and the reassurance that it’s not me who was born all wrong, it’s society that has lost its marbles completely. I should read this sort of articles more often. Out of a strange kind of masochist tendency – not the good kind – I tend to read more articles which provide a point of view totally opposite to mine, the point of view that gender roles are natural and that I am a … uh … exception? Funny deviance? Interesting anomaly? Unplanned disturbance? Little Chernobylian? I don’t know, you pick. Point is, reading those articles rarely helps me improve my understanding of society, nor it stimulates my interest in it, quite the opposite. It just makes me feel an outsider at best. I am drawn to them by some sort of demonic drive, the idea that since I can’t escape society and its nonsensical rules – I can only behave in an unacceptable way, but I can’t magically be transferred into another world, no matter how hard I wish for it – I might as well smash my face against it, so that it’s clear, 100% clear, no way to be mistaken, that yes, I am probably never going to feel like I belong somewhere.
By the way, take this, “rationalists”. That bunch of assholes would want to believe people like me, the SJWs, the gender-benders, the millennials, the stupid people in other words, live wrapped into their cocoon, an echo chamber where everything is made of colourful feathers and sugar candy and what not. Fuck me, I wish I could live in an echo chamber. Then I would believe the world is perfect and all is nice. I cannot fucking live in an echo chamber because, as I said, there is no way I can escape society, I cannot escape the planet.
Well, maybe I should move to Pripjat. That’s an idea. But there are humans there too. Fuck’s sake, they’re everywhere, aren’t they?
But! Sometimes I read articles like that one and a sense of relief comes over me. It’s all right. Or better no, it’s not, it absolutely isn’t, society still has lost its marbles, but that’s a situation that can be changed, right? It is actually changing already, from what I can see. So that’s good. There’s work to be done, but it can be done, and if its because of social conditioning then there’s a good chance people like me might be accepted and seen as normal. We could be the norm and not the exception. And then, when I read such articles, I start thinking about all the occasions when I was accepted and respected at once, without questioning, and although they’re not as many as those when I wasn’t, still they’re quite a few. And I go like, hey. Then maybe it is possible. Even better, then maybe it is true. That I am normal. That there’s nothing wrong in me, that I am just like everybody else.
So the conclusion is that I should read more such articles. I should schedule it: once a week, read an article that says that gender is a lie.
I’d also like to add a note though: even if I don’t know much about the matter, I think people should stop looking at animals for answers to human behaviour. Sure, there are certain traits that we share with this or that species, and we have a lot of evolution in common, but in the end, we are humans ( … no hang on, YOU are XD) and those are animals. That’s a pretty big difference. And this happens only with humans right? I can’t recall seeing an article trying to explain bonobos’ society while looking at, I don’t know, horses. Or lizards. No, when it’s about animals, we just simply seem to accept that different species behave in different ways, even radically different. Even species which have plenty in common, like bonobos and gorillas or chimpanzees for example.
With humans, no. We have to see our behaviours mirrored in animals, and viceversa. Is it because we cannot tolerate, as a species, to be alone? Oh, but we are alone. We stand on the brink of void. And the void is going to swallow us. AZATHOTH THE BLIND IDIOT GOD IS FINALLY GOING TO DEVOUR OUR WORLD, GULPING OUR STAR, MUNCHING OUR PLANET SQUEEZING LAVA OUT OF IT AS IF BLOOD, AND IN ONE FINAL TREMENDOUS CONTRACTION OF THE WARPED HOLE THAT IT HIS MOUTH WE WILL …
Just kidding. I liked the article a lot anyway, and I feel it’s saying something a bit different than what I am referring to here, that is the habit to give humanity rules based on animal behaviour. But still, what I wanted to underline is that I think that, alpha male in wolves or not, this doesn’t necessarily mean much to humans. That to find out what goes on with humans, maybe we should look at … humans. And listen to them, to what they say about themselves. You could, I don’t know, listen to … me, for example? Sometimes?
Oh, wait, one last thing! When I was a kid, around 11 I guess it was, I read this Italian book, ll branco della rosa canina (The pack of the dog rose) by Gianni Padoan. It is a beautiful book meant as a sort of narrated documentary about wolves’ life in their natural environment. There’s a bit of story behind it, but mostly it serves as an expedient to explain the habits of wolves. Our teacher had brought it to our class, with a bunch of other books we could read, and I was so fascinated by it that at the end of the year she decided to give it to me. I still cherish it. It’s right here, I took it down from the shelf while I was writing the post, as I took it with me from Italy. It is written in a simple way as it’s meant for children, but it is still very good and I read it again last year, and, lo and behold, although it probably simplifies a lot and some information might be wrong, there is indeed written that the young wolves form a new pack by leaving their previous one and mating. I love when what you’ve read in books come back to you like this. It’s like echoes from old friends.